Iron Man 2 Review: Please Don't Let There Be A Third.

Terrence Howard Said "Maybe Next Time Baby". I Never Thought I'd Prefer Howard Over Cheadle In ANY Role, But Here We Are.

We, as summer blockbuster zombies, can't leave well enough alone. There is no conceivable reason as to why Iron Man is the most popular Marvel property, second to the X-Men. Iron Man's villains aren't particularly interesting and when looking at any conflict broadly it usually boils down to a guy in a metallic suit fighting someone else in a bigger metallic suit. Director John Favreau, is dealing with a thinner plot in Iron Man 2 [thanks Justin Theroux]. But given the cartoon nature of the script, it helps to have a cast proficient in playing cartoon characters. Iron Man 2 does twice as much as its predecessor, but executes half as well. The ending action sequence lasts almost twenty minutes and places a huge Band-Aid on the poorly paced middle. Iron Man 2 is an average movie that begs for a graceful, but clunky, bow out. We do not need an Iron Man 3.

Here We See Johansson As Romanoff. She's Currently Re-reading The Script To Go Over Her Eight Lines.

Turns out flying around in an experimental weaponized suit -- powered by a palladium-filled heart -- isn't too health conscious. Tony Stark isn't in the best of health. How do we know? Well, he has this diabetes-like blood testing device he made special to tell him how terminal his illness is. This convenient story twist is enough to effect every character who has a slight interest in whether Stark lives or dies. Sad. Stark has every piece of cutting-edge technology yet he can't cure a poisoned heart. The U.S. wants rights to Stark's Iron Man suits, but Garry Shandling is not witty enough to spar with the likes of the Downey Jr.-Cheadle combo. Though Cheadle is an incredibly gifted actor, this role was better suited for Terrence Howard from the first film. At least with the Downey Jr.-Howard combo we got to see a duo actually be a duo. These two seem like they know each other out of odd circumstance.

Here We See Rourke Step Outside Of Roles Where He'd Play 'A Broken Down Piece Of Meat'. To Play A Russian Broken Down Piece Of Meat.

Remember the sense of urgency and passion that went into showing Robert Downey Jr., as broken Tony Stark, desperately building the original Iron Man suit in order to best baddies by wit and a healthy knowledge of science? We are treated to a cliché opening sequence between Ivan Vanko, played by Mickey Rourke, and his on-screen father. Vanko, who has a passionate love of birds, builds the suit Stark's father 'stole' all within the opening credits. The character development takes shortcuts like these, turning elegant moments and transforming them into mixtapes filled with songs you could go either way on. Having one villain in a sequel isn't enough [See X-men 3]; Stark needs a Lex Luthor. And just as most last names in comic book lore have to be a noun or an action verb Stark's technological foil is Justin Hammer. Played by my favorite character, Sam Rockwell, Hammer is the Microsoft Windows to Stark's Apple OS. Naturally, after Vanko's incredibly convenient run-in with Stark at an Indy Car race event -- in which Vanko mysteriously knew Stark would spontaneously drive his own Indy car; it makes sense that Hammer and Vanko would team up to combat Stark.

Loved Gwyneth Paltrow's Role As Potts. Ultimately, Potts' Story With Stark Is Summed Up With A Anti-climatic Kiss.

This should be enough character action to play with, but I have yet to bring up Gwyneth Paltrow's role as the powerful and skinnier-than-normal, Pepper Potts. She actually provides a sole to the film that isn't really elaborated upon. Samuel Jackson plays Nick Fury is basically Samuel Jackson with an eye patch and a heck of a lot of assistants. Scarlett Johansson [Natasha Romanoff] serves as a secretary with knack for snapping necks [or at least her stuntman does]. If you've seen the trailer to Iron Man 2 then her character development has been spoiled for you. With much skepticism I will say that Johansson was not as uninteresting as I thought she'd be -- don't get me wrong, she still delivered her lines flatly, but playing the role of a secret agent suited her well. Even the slapstick moments Iron Man and War Machine share on-screen seemed fairly boring.

Here We See Samuel Jackson Playing Nick Fury Who Plays Samuel Jackson. "Iron Man Aint No Country I Eva Heard Of! They Speak English In Iron Man?"

The deck was stacked against Iron Man 2 to impress. The development with Tony Stark was interesting enough. Learning more about his relationship with is father could have held more weight had no ridiculous scientific jigsaw puzzle weren't wedged in. The action and interest slows abruptly when "thrilling" courtroom scenes and "nail-biting" moments involving a character in front of a computer screen typing DOS code [sans mouse] are introduced. The cast makes Iron Man 2 worth the watch. Though there are very few moments where you are absorbed into a character -- the sexual tension between Downey Jr. and Paltrow evaporates into Earth's atmosphere very early on. What the story lacks convincing drama it makes up for in well executed action and even some of the comedic moments. If Hollywood has to make a third Iron Man could you have Cheadle, Johansson and Paltrow collectively eat a burger? No? Well then don't make a third movie. I beg of you.

I Give Iron Man 2...

Sorry, But You Know Its True.

The "Soon-To-Be A Collector's Item" Award