The Vampire's Assistant: It's Not For Children And Some Grown-Ups
Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 11:11PM 
John C. Reilly can paint a fence and I would watch. There is something about this guy that carries movies which would be sub-par without his touch. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant manages to combine the 80's horror-campiness of a One Bitten and the sophistication of a Near Dark. A good majority of the movie is spent with bloated expository scenes, the few actual "Cirque Du Freak" moments are executed incredibly well, but not well enough for this movie to be palatable to everyone. The Vampire's Assistant is a movie for tweens and adults, who are willing to give a pass to most of the boring characters and their subsequent dramatic scenes.
As stated earlier, John C. Reilly carries the film but the lead actor is teen hearthrob, Chris Massoglia. Mossoglia plays, Darren Shan, a nerdy sixteen year-old high school student with poor interpersonal skills [imagine that]. Darren can only manage to attain one good friend. Steve [Josh Hutcherson] who is the "other kind" of outcast. You know the one. Daddy left, Mommy drinks and as a result Steve is the kind of kid who plays in traffic and pulls wings off of insects to get his kicks. It is odd to see how Darren and Steve play off of each other. Contrived, but interesting, you can see a divide very early on in the movie which makes there eventual, but tepid hatred of each other rather obvious.
The rosier moments of The Vampire's Assistant are just that. The actual "Vampire's Assistant-y" moments where Darren is taken out of his normal, hum-drum world and shoved into this new way of life could have been explored more. The art direction and design peak when the director and co-writer, Paul Weitz, is not forcing the viewer to endure stale scenes between Larten Crepsley [Reilly] and Darren. Had it not been for Reilly and a star-studded supporting cast, The Vampire's Assistant would be unwatchable.
The supporting cast consisted of comedy/theater vets like Michael Cerveris, Ken Watanabe, Orlando Jones, Jane Krakowski, Kristen Schaal and the always odd looking, William Defoe. It is because of this group, although they were given very little to play with, the 2nd act of The Vampire's Assistant was a joy to watch. The young starlet, Jessica Carlson [who bares a bit of a young Shawnee Smith resemblance] had a very interesting story, which ultimately fizzled flat due to poor writing.
A movie like The Vampire's Assistant depends on the antagonist, and though there are probably not many adults who will buy Steve's spiky-haired transformation, they will like Mr. Tiny [Cerveris]. Mr. Tiny possesses the ability to stop and start time and resurrect life. He is also responsible for just about everything cool that happens in the movie.
Bottom line, Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant will not win everyone over. It took a while for the movie to win me over. It has a flawed story and a mediocre lead actor. This is why I am suggesting you should see it, but not seek it. There is something about the color scheme and the small little details in this movie which leads me to believe that it will age better than people may think. It is obviously better than that other teen marketed vampire movie, but that is not saying much. The Vampire's Assistant is a movie that does not know if it wants to be a full-on horror feature, a boy's odd step into his teen years, or a man's battle with how he has decided to live and what he could have become.
With The Vampire's Assistant's lack of direction, it really is up to the viewer to decide if they will let this weird and cheerful movie bite them on the neck. Or you can let this stale paced corpse rot and revisit it years later with a more whimsical eye.
I Give Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
The "Real Vampires Don't Sparkle" Award
Reader Comments (1)
OK that picture really freak me up, that is courtney love? no matter is really ugly, about the movie I have to tell that is a better option than any other twilight saga movie, this movie is funny and have a more sense than that luminous vampire asses movie called twilight, if you don't noticed I really hate twilight.